"In the infinity of life where I am, all is perfect, whole, and complete. The past has no power over me because I am willing tho learn and to change. I see the past as necessary to bring me to where I am today. I am willing to begin where I am right now to clean the rooms of my mental house. I know it does not matter where I start, so I now begin with the smallest and the easiest rooms, and in that way I will see results quickly. I am thrilled to be in the middle of this adventure, for I know I will never go through this particular experience again. I am willing to set myself free. All is well in my world."

"All is well in my world" has become my "go-to" mantra. I'm just saying'.... Even if it doesn't feel real to say that, if I really think about it, all really is well in my world. When I consider the problems and suffering of others, some close to me, I tend to be much more appreciative of the world in which I live. Even when my world seems darkest, I do not have to look far away to see someone who suffers in ways I cannot imagine. Anyway....

Chapter 4 - Is It True?


"Truth is the unchangeable part of me."


This chapter is a continuation of the self-examination that began with Chapters 2 & 3 which dealt with identifying the problem and where it came from. Don't forget, the real problem being, not loving yourself (well, myself). I discovered that a lot of what I learned about myself, my beliefs, about myself came from messages I received from the adults around me when I was young. This makes perfect sense to me and helps me realize that I have to identify those "broken records" I play over and over, and then change my "tune" (how's that little play on words?).

I have been faithfully reciting my affirmations on my way to work every day; all 14 cards. However, I have fallen off on the practice of "loving" myself in the mirror and "loving" my bed every morning. I'm going to get back on the wagon though. It seems I allowed this to happen possibly when I loaned my car to my Kelly to use to drive to Atlanta to see Gina for the week. In my own car, I was listening to the "Heal Your Life" course on CD and it seemed to have helped my stay focused on all the affirmations Louise teaches. Kelly's car doesn't have the CD player, so well, addicts do "fall off the wagon" many times before they are able to change the behavior, and I believe we (I) am addicted to certain thought patterns.

Okay, so the question of, "Is it true?" What I read in this chapter is that, it is true if we believe it is, and it is not true if we don't. Whatever we believe becomes true for us.

(Can I just stop here and say that one of the places I get myself "tripped up" here, is that I read this wonderful, meaningful information, and then rather than think about my beliefs, etc., I keep thinking of others and where they are going "wrong." That is a pretty big trap for me. I become distracted from what I  am working on for myself by allowing my ego to imagine what everyone is doing around me and where their issues are stemming from. Wow! Gotta stop that shit!)

Back to business....

Some of what Louise says here about problems as they are related to beliefs are: (for example) you may say that you have no friends. That may be your view if your belief is that nobody loves you. If you experience a lot of financial difficulty, that may stem from a belief that you are not worthy of having money. Since reading this chapter, twice now, I still struggle with what my beliefs are about myself, and relating them to issues in my life. I know that I have some very negative memories of messages I received when I was little. I also, thankfully, received some really wonderful, loving messages that were life saving for me during difficult times.

I remember as a child feeling like I didn't matter much. I felt basically, invisible. I didn't ask for much, so of course I didn't get much. I believe that I unknowingly contributed to the negative beliefs I developed because I just didn't ask for what I wanted, or tell anyone what I needed. I felt that my family didn't really know me at all. Eventually, I began to see myself as just a really private person. I have had some feelings of resentment, not strongly, but still there, at the idea that the people closest to me didn't take the time to get to know me. I still struggle with this in my marriage. I get really pissed, or I used to get really pissed, that my husband couldn't tell anyone things about me (accurately) that I thought he should know. Is that really realistic of me to have had those expectations of my family and my husband? If I'm not willing to share much information, there is no way anyone can really know me.

I think I have wanted, expected, people to prove to me that I matter, or that they love me, by paying close enough attention to me to know my likes and dislikes.

So, is it true that the people closest to me did, or do not, take the time to get to know me? Am I invisible? Do I not matter? Only if it is true for me. That makes sense. No one can impose their truth on me. Louise says that "Whatever the problem is, it comes from a thought pattern, and thought patterns can be changed. It may feel true, it may seem true...However, no matter how difficult an issue we are dealing with, it is only an outer result or the effect of an inner thought pattern.

She recommends that what I need to ask myself is, "Is it true for me now?" and "Where did that belief come from?"

The thing is though, I am actually an optimist! It may not seem like it, but I really am. I think a lot of my negative thought patterns are more about not feeling loved, or not feeling good enough. I know where these came from and that is what I work on most. Thankfully, because I am an optimistic person, I also believe that if I practice what Louise teaches here, that I will learn to love myself and overcome the negative thought patterns I tend to have.

If those thought patterns, the negative beliefs, can be changed into positive, happy thought patterns, then there is no reason that this same system of beliefs, that whatever we believe becomes true for us, won't work as well on the subconscious as the old, negative beliefs did.

If I wake up and declare that it's going to be a crappy day, then how can I expect it to be a good day? I've already decided. Louise says, "If we want a joyous life, we must think joyous thoughts. If we want a loving life, we must think loving thoughts. Whatever we send out mentally or verbally will come back to us in like form."

She writes that I should pay attention to my thoughts; catch myself, and then ask myself if I would want whatever I'm thinking to become true for me? I think a good time to catch myself in action here would be when someone comes in to my work and feels entitled to take their bad mood out on me. That can be really hurtful, and has had the effect of making me feel badly about myself for a while. It can feel embarrassing to have someone "go off" on you. I have to choose to allow that person the power to make me feel bad. And if I react with anger, that is what I'll get back. (I'll most likely have a chance to practice this one tomorrow.)

When it comes to choosing our thoughts, Louise says we should imagine ourselves in line at a cafeteria, where there a lots of choices, like so many different kinds of foods to choose from. Just as we can choose what foods to put on our plate, we get to choose the thoughts we think. She says that when we choose thoughts that are bad for us, it's just like choosing foods that make us sick. That doesn't make any sense at all. Why would we choose anything that is bad for us?

My thoughts "diet" is something I need to learn to choose wisely, so I'll end this blog with an affirmation:

"I lovingly balance my mind and my body. I now choose thoughts that make me feel good." :)