Haven't "blogged" in a few days, so I'm behind a little in this part of my lesson, but I've been really committed to the work, so I'm happy with that. I read Chapter's 3 & 4, so that's what I'll work on here.

Before I go any further though, I just have to say that I love the Power Thought affirmation cards! Call me crazy (go ahead, you know you want to anyway! teehee) but I feel them working. It's not easy to describe though. I'm going to repeat that I have used them in the past and came to the same realization. I already believe in the power they have over the subconscious. It's, I don't know, crazy in an amazing kind of way, how they seem to become true for me as I say them over and over. And I don't think it matters if they appear to be true to anyone other than myself, because what matters is how I feel. I feel better when I say them out loud. I'm also noticing a softening, if you will, in the way I am being treated by someone I love very much, but have not felt a lot of love or patience from in recent years. The change is definitely there. It's a small one, but noticeable, for sure. Uhhhh.....got a lonnnggg way to go though. The point is, it feels "doable" now. Not impossible.

By the way, I thought I had chosen about 7 or 8 cards to repeat every day. Ummmm.....it's 14. 14 Cards! Wow! Anyway, I thought I might share a few. (Not gonna type 'em all. Pretty sure if you're reading this, you're glad of that.) Okay, so:

"I forgive myself. As I forgive myself, I leave behind all feelings of not being good enough, and I am free to love myself."

"As I say yes to life, life says yes to me. Life mirrors my every thought. As I keep my thoughts positive, life brings to me only good experiences."

"I am beautiful, and everybody loves me. I radiate acceptance, and I am deeply loved by others. Love surrounds me and protects me."

"I am worth loving. I do not have to earn love. I am lovable because I exist. Others reflect the love I have for myself."

"I trust the process of life. There is a rhythm and flow to Life, and I am part of it. Life supports me and brings to me only good and positive experiences. I trust the process of Life to bring me my highest good."

So, obviously, just a small sample. I think of these as "self-fulfilling prophesies" much like those that are written about in basic psychology courses. I think it's the same as the "placebo" effect as well. Many years ago, in fact published in 1902, James Allen wrote a literary essay, "As a Man Thinketh." While the title is the inspiration of a verse from the Bible, the premise of the essay is definitely "new age" or "new thought." In fact, a quote from As a Man Thinketh is, "Right thinking begins with the words we say to ourselves... Every man is where he is by the law of his being; the thoughts which he has built into his character have brought him there, and in the arrangement of his life there is no element of chance, but all is the result of a law which cannot err." I guess, my point is that these ideas about how we "speak" to ourselves is nothing new at all. I really think a lot of this is common sense. For so long, I have listened to all the "bad" records I play in my head; all the repetitive thoughts that tell me I'm not good enough. (Everybody does it!) I'm changing the record. Oh, maybe I should say, Compact Disc!

Chapter 3: Where does it come from?

"The past has no power over me."

Louise begins the chapter with reminding us of how we were as a baby. How perfect we were, how we asked for whatever we needed, how we were the "center of the universe" and we knew it! As babies, we "freely expressed our emotions", and "were full of love."

Along the way, as we grew, our thoughts changed as we received messages from the adults around us. She tells us that those adults, that gave us all those negative thoughts were doing the best they knew how to do, with the understanding, and awareness they had. As Maya Angelou said, "When you know better, you do better." The same is true for me. As I look back over my life, I realize that the older I become, the more I know, and the better choices I make as my understanding expands.

One thing I found really helpful that Louise Hay says, is that we need to see our parents as people who were just as scared and helpless as we are. "The only things they could possibly teach you are what they had been taught." Okay...I have thought about the "buts" here: Mainly one 'but,' the "but they were adults and knew right from wrong." Even though I still have trouble discounting that kind of "big but" (not big butt! Silly!), I have thought a great deal about this and have come to a realization: First of all, I have repeated some of the things my parents "taught" me. For one thing, I have a really tough time with relationships. My husband could confirm that. I certainly intended to do a lot of things very differently, which I have, mostly where my kids are concerned. However, like my mother, I tend to be more quiet and reserved, and have trouble speaking up for myself. And with the exception of my husband, I even have trouble speaking up for my own children at times, allowing myself the luxury of being too shy and fearful of hurting someone's feelings or having them think badly of me, by putting them in their place when they hurt my child in some way. I could write many examples of this, but the one that comes to mind, just because it's the most recent in my "parenting" history, is of a terrible time in my son's life when he was mistreated by a coach. This was life changing for him. He was just 10 years old. He had been selected for a basketball team that was made up of boys that seemed to have more talent for the sport. It was a "select" team. As it turned out, the coach was much, much too involved in being a "winner" and didn't believe that my son was quite good enough. In fact, the guy was a downright ass and behaved very badly at their games. He would get visibly angry and throw his clipboard and yell. After the games were over, he would take the team of 10 year olds to a private location and "talk" to them about the game. A little debriefing. It would be during this time that he would tell them all how badly they were doing. He would pick some regulars out, like my son, to berate in front of the team. My son began to hate playing. He would beg us not to go. He would be beg us to let him quit or at least not go to practice. We, not being quitters, would say, "No. You have to go finish out the season at least." Finally, when he could take no longer take it, HE called his coach and said, "I quit. Coach, you tell us that we're not here to have fun. We're here to win. Well, if I'm not allowed to have fun, then I don't want to play on your team. I quit." This was an outrage to the Athletic Association! I'm not kidding! We had to go before the Athletic Board because no one had ever quit the "A - Team." I'm not even sure what the "punishment" was that we were to endure, but it was made clear that this was very serious! How ludicrous is this?! This guy had abused my 10 year old child, and had encouraged other boys (by example) to taunt and bully my son which they did to the point that my child became seriously depressed. We did get him to counseling and took him out of the school, and off the team! What I didn't do though, is one of my biggest regrets (which I am overcoming with "The past has no power over me"). If I had known better, (I'll put it that way) I would have walked across that gym floor, taken my child by the hand, and gotten him out of that abusive situation the VERY FIRST TIME I witnessed that guy's misbehavior. Guess what? I wanted to do just that, but I was afraid. Afraid of what, I don't know? I guess I was afraid of what people would think. I was so busy weighing everything from what I was sure would be the mortification of my husband, to the possible mortification of my son, to the loss of friends (wow!). What did I tell/teach my son about himself as that all transpired? As he cried and begged his dad and I to take him out of that terrible, abusive situation, what were we saying to him about his self-worth? I saw the little boy I knew, the one whose hero was Michael Jordan, who had no idea he couldn't play the game just as magnificently as MJ, the boy who slept in his uniform, disappear before my eyes. He just faded into the crowd and developed a new emotion, fear. And a new realization of life that he was far too young for, failure. It took many, many years for my boy to return to me. I didn't think he ever would. At 10 years old, my son told me, while I was tucking him into bed one night, "Life just isn't fun anymore, Mom." As I write this, I can picture my mother, witnessing my dad's misbehavior, and doing nothing. Just as I did on the basketball court. Nothing. My mother loves me very much, and I know that. I love my each of my children so much it hurts sometimes. I would take a bullet for each of them, for sure! I just had trouble sticking up for them when they needed it most.

See why I can only list one example? I've written entirely too long. I think I've gotten the point of Chapter 3 though. I'll finish this chapter up with a quote from the final paragraph of the chapter:

"We are all here to transcend our early limitations, whatever they were. We're here to recognize our own magnificence and divinity no matter what they told us. You have your negative beliefs to overcome, and I have my negative beliefs to overcome."

"In the infinity of life where I am, all is perfect, whole, and complete. The past has no power over me because I am willing to learn and to change. I see the past as necessary to bring me to where I am today. I am willing to begin where I am right now to clean the rooms of my mental house. I know it does not matter where I start, so I now begin with the smallest and the easiest rooms, and in that way I will see results quickly. I am thrilled to be in the middle of this adventure, for I know I will never go through this particular experience again. I am willing to set myself free. All is well in my world."