Ooooogod! Post #3 and I've got writer's block. (deep breath)....Okay.

Part II, Chapter 2: What is the Problem?

Really? This could be the longest post yet. Just kidding, I hope. I did have to go back and look at the "Contents" page here. Part II encompasses Chapters 2 - 9, and is, "A Session With Louise."

So, back to the Session with Louise: I think it may help to explain a little about her background. I'm not going to Wiki, I'm just going to the back of this book, actually. Louise Hay used this "method" of "loving the self" back in the early '80's working with Aids patients. These guys had no where to go where they would feel accepted, let alone loved. They had been abandoned by their families, and were treated like lepers by society at the time. She learned this method of self love therapy when she became a church counselor at The Church of Religious Science in New York. (I'm really cheating now, looking at that last chapter to find this stuff out.) Shut the front door! - She attended MIU, Maharishis' International University, in Fairfield, Iowa for 6 months! This is a college I just discovered existed recently. MIU is a college, in a town, in Iowa where people go to, of course obtain a degree in whatever, but the college focuses on Transcendental Meditation. In fact, the town that is adjacent to the college, also practices this form of meditation, even in the schools. I totally digress here, but I recently went to a meeting because I am, as soon as I save up a whole lotta dollars, going to take this course in TM. How weird.

Okay...back to Chapter 2, What is the Problem.
I don't think it would be a "crap shoot" to guess what the problem is. (Lack of love for the self.) What she writes about is all the various "problems" that her clients come to her practice with. Illnesses, relationship issues, financial problems, and just basically, "my life doesn't work" stuff. Some of the comments she hears are, "I never get to do what I want to do. I can't please anyone. There is never any time for me. I am just a doormat. I have no talent. I can't do anything right. Nothing ever works for me."

I did go ahead and do the exercise here because I'm listening to the audio CD on the way to work in the mornings, so I kind of am doing this for the second time. (Just a teeny little cheat :)

Exercise is: I SHOULD........

The instruction was to make a list of 5 or 6 ways to finish the sentence, I should....

Not as easy as you would think. I could have written all day on that one. I chose the top 6 in my list. You wanna know what they are? I won't share them all, but if you know me at all, you might guess that one of them includes the word "pasta."

Louise says that she believes the word "should" is one of the most damaging words in our language. When her clients show her their answers to that exercise, she asks them, "Why?" Their answers reveal their limitations and where they are stuck in their beliefs. After that, she talks about the word, should.

The next part of the exercise is to change the beginning of the sentence to, "If I really wanted to, I could....." Oddly, it does make a difference by eliminating the word should.

The final part of the exercise is to answer the question, "Why haven't you?" The answers really are even more revealing. I discovered exactly how I have been berating myself about the shoulds in my life. For example:

I should eat less pasta.
(Why?) Because I would lose weight and have more energy.
If I really wanted to, I could eat less pasta. (Saying "could" instead of "should" gives us a choice.)
(Why haven't I?) Because I have no will power. (Wow! That's not a nice thing to say to me!)

Point taken.

The word "should" = wrong. Every time we say we "should" we are really saying that we are wrong. Replacing should with could, gives us a choice, and we are never wrong when we are making a choice. It's just a choice. And a choice = power. (I put that in! Thought of it all by myself! High 5!)

Louise says that we go through life criticizing ourselves constantly for all the things on our should list based on stuff that someone else told us about what we should do. We "should" be skinnier, smarter, prettier, etc. She writes that much of the stuff on our "should list" is stuff that we do to please someone else.

She points out immediately after the exercise that we "are only dealing with thought patterns, and the point of power is always in the present moment. Changes can begin in this moment."

After that "fun" exercise, I moved on to: Loving the Self.  The point is, that whatever the problem appears to be, loving the self is the "miracle cure." She is quick to say that this is not an arrogant, or conceited love of self. I have found that many people connect conceit and narcissism with loving ourselves too much, but I think this is like the difference between love and lust. That is something I have learned in this process. (Not the love vs. lust you dirty minded people! and for the record, I don't have a problem with a little lust here and there. Sorry kids.) Annnyyway....I think that the connection of self-love and conceit is one of the reasons people don't "allow" themselves the luxury of loving themselves too much. No one wants to appear conceited or arrogant. (Well, I don't, which is part of my issue I think.)

We do all sorts of things, behaviors, that indicate a lack of love of ourselves. No need to list, but you know what I mean (drinkin' smoking' fast cars, and dirty talk!) Louise says, "Lack of self-worth is another expression of not loving ourselves." She defines love as "an appreciation to such a degree that it fills my heart to bursting and overflows. Love can go in any direction." "If we deny our good in any way, it is an act of not loving ourselves."

I got this. Next exercise: Mirror Work. (Shit!)

I have to look in the mirror and say, "Patti, I love and accept you exactly as you are."

I get up, look in that big ass mirror, and staring back at me is a slightly crazy haired, looks better than she did at 5:30 am, I'm actually kinda cute now that I see myself, HEY! I am losing a little weight, DAMN I am one cute, (certain construction workers think I'm hot) cool-ass Granny!

Now, I'm not saying that I said the aforementioned affirmation with adornment or adulation, BUT I did it! It wasn't that bad. :)

Guess what "The Real Problem" is???

Are you seriously going to make me say it? Arggghhhh! "NOT LOVING THE SELF!" Goddammit! You should have known that! Just kidding! Jeez!

Oh - one mistake I made yesterday: the affirmation is at the beginning of each chapter, not the end! I'm learning, remember?